Walking the Line
by Tryem Loir
Summary: LoM, Fairy Arc. Pre-game. It is in human nature to want what we don't have. But Irwin isn't human. Slight IrwinMatilda.


**Title:** Walking the Line  
**Fandom:** Legend of Mana  
**Characters:** Irwin, Daena, Matilda, Escad  
**Prompt:** 12. Distance For 50Scenes at LJ  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** It is in human nature to want what we don't have. But Irwin isn't human.  
**Warnings:** Pre-game; before the events of the Fairy Arc.

**Note:** It may seem OOC but keep in mind that this is before everything went to hell: before Matilda fell in love with Irwin, before Irwin and Escad became enemies and before Daena was caught somewhere in-between. Interactions are based on my weavings of the characters' pasts, namely in relation to a multi-chap Fairy Arc fic I'm working on.

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It is in human nature to want for things. The young especially like to wonder and dream and imagine the future. Feelings of desire are embedded into their very beings. It is a consuming emotion and it intrigues him. It is observable and fascinating. It powered people like machines.

Irwin only half understands this innate longing. Most days his demon side is content to linger in the back of his mind, a dark pit that's deep and foreboding and beyond his comprehension; that his rational human intellect rears back from instinctively whenever he works up the courage to prod at it. Human emotions, demon instincts, he knows these things well, but he's learnt to be content at the hands of cruel men and he doesn't want for nothing he doesn't already have.

What Daena wanted all came down to love. She wanted peace and she wanted to be strong. She wanted to protect the people dearest to her and Irwin suspected that if she could, she'd go through her entire life doing nothing but making other people happy.

But Daena's wants are silly and naive and one day, Irwin suspects, one day she'll discover that it isn't that easy and she's going to hate the world for crushing her idealistic dreams. He doesn't try to tell her this; it will be a good lesson learnt when she finds out on her own.

Irwin doesn't pretend he isn't cynical. He's not trying to be realistic. He is just older than he looks, certainly more than he feels, both in mind and body, and he found out the hard way that the world isn't as nice a place as it looks. He suspects the Jumi understand, but far be it from him to ponder the problems of a persecuted race.

Matilda wanted freedom. She wanted a life unbound by the rules of stuffy, traditionalist clerics, she wanted to cast off her priestess's habit, let down her hair, climb to the highest ridge in Gato and more than anything she wanted to know she had done it all of her own free will.

Matilda may be weak in body but she is strong, _oh so strong_, in spirit and for this Irwin is terribly fond of her. Her tiny hand rests firm in his own as he guides her, wading in the shallow water, watching her hop from rock to rock in her bare feet, satin slippers left on the bank, robes bunched up crudely in her other fist, her sweet face puckered in determination. The waterfall roars behind them. She skipped her formal lessons again today. He has no doubt Escad knows, after all he and Matilda have the same tutors. He'll probably be livid. Irwin knows he's going to get an earful for it later, leading her astray like that. But Escad isn't Matilda and he knows what he wants in life. Matilda never had the chance; she's not allowed to want and dream and _it isn't fair_ because Matilda is nothing but loving and kind-hearted and the world wouldn't be such a cruel place Irwin thinks, if the worst things didn't happen to the best of people.

He tells her so. 'You should be able to do whatever you want,' Irwin remarks, steadying her by the waist as she stumbles on the next leap. Matilda laughs.

'I'd like that,' she says, gripping his hand for balance and when she smiles it reaches all the way to her eyes and past the stars. Irwin smiles back.

'So do it,' he replies brazenly, and he can't imagine anything otherwise. Want, take, have. He is no expert on human behaviour but he's seen the similarities in base reactions; human, demon or other. It was what you did with it that made all the difference. Irwin mused on that thought. He said nothing to Matilda on this; he did not wish to confuse her further more than he already did himself.

Matilda shook her head. 'It's not that simple.' Her eyes are sad. He can see the stars crashing to the ground behind them. Irwin glances away and squeezes her hand gently, not sure what else to say. He wants nothing for himself but one day, he decides... if Matilda ever asks it of him, one day he'll give her the world.

Escad wanted a great many things. He wanted fortune and status. He wanted to be a formidable knight; strong, noble and brave. He wanted to be looked up to. He wanted to be a saviour. Irwin often thought you'd have to be living under a rock to not see the extent of these open desires. Escad boasted about them often enough, that maddening gleam in his green eyes, standing as tall as a small boy could manage on rocky platforms or the edges of a cliff, as if he were preaching to the entire Gato Grottoes.

He could talk about his future for hours. More than the girls ever did and certainly more than Irwin ever tried to. Being what he was had taught him to be grateful just to see another day and it both amused and exasperated him to wonder if Escad ever lost sleep over his rampant thoughts. Daena said it was the nobility in him exercising its arrogance. Matilda, who had known Escad since the cradle, often said she thought it was rather nice that he had so many dreams, though Irwin could see she secretly longed for her own. He said nothing to Escad himself, but he _listened_.

Irwin learned a lot about Escad during that time. Learned things about his character that he never forgot, even in the harsh years to come, when the dark pit in his mind that was everything demonic within him had devoured his humanity whole; even when he would come to stare down the boy who had become a man as he stabbed a sword through his side, his expression black with hatred, Irwin's massive fist puncturing his belly, the green fire in his eyes dulling with the slow bite of death.

Escad was the youngest of nine brothers. Expendable. Ignored and babied in turn and there was nothing he could do that hadn't already been done eight times over. His mother was dead and his father always seemed to look right past him. The villagers paid him no mind because he would inherit nothing of value, so they saw no reason to treat him with an abundance of respect.

Irwin discovered this watching Escad skulking through the village. People greeted him with polite, plastered smiles, short nods of their heads in place of the bow that usually accompanied greeting someone of Escad's social standing, and patronizing small-talk. 'Young Master Liotte, the caves are no place for a small boy. Why don't you go home and play with your toys. Let your brothers handle the sword fighting; they're going to be _knights_ after all. Your father must be so proud.' Escad had turned an angry shade of red when the shopkeeper, who was quite happy to spare Irwin a contemptuous glance, finally left, shame flushing his cheeks and clashing horribly with his pale blonde hair.

Daena wanted a love for the ages and Matilda wanted to be free of her duties, but all Escad _really_ wanted was someone to look at him and tell him that he mattered enough to make a difference.

Irwin was different. Love and liberty and the desire to be someone of value were fleeting to his mind. The world was divided – them and us – which could mean anybody really, depending on whose side you were on. Irwin wondered what happened when you didn't have a side. Certainly the humans didn't want anything to do with him; they were already wary of his presence and Irwin had a suspicion that all he had to do was sneeze and they'd be breaking out the pitchforks. And while demons weren't exactly mindless, they ran on pure instinct; they would kill him straight out if he ever ventured into their territory just because they were stronger. He was either predator or prey and neither prospect looked entirely appealing from his perspective. It felt like he was walking a tightrope between two potentially dangerous cliffs and the closer he drew to one side, the further he was distanced from the other.

You'll have to choose a side one day kid, said the human in the back of his mind. The demon just laughed, low and viciously _knowing_. Irwin shoved its blood-scented consciousness back into the dark pit where it had emerged from with a scowl.

He pinched the bridge of his nose carefully between a clawed thumb and forefinger and sighed.

'One day you'll fall in love for real,' he heard Daena say confidently. 'And you'll feel like you can take on the world.'

There was a slight shudder next to him. Escad was laughing, leaning his head back on the rocky wall behind them. 'Oh please,' he snorted. 'You've been reading one too many Fairytales. _Girls_.' He sneered. Daena frowned at him, the fur on the back of her neck bristling indignantly.

'Was that another of your arrogant opinions?' she growled. 'Or can we just take this outside?' Escad grinned back at her, his eyes glowing in the lamplight, always ready for a challenge.

'_Daena_,' Matilda chastised softly. She laid a comforting hand on her best friend's arm. Daena hesitated, glanced back at her and sat down, shooting Escad a glare as she did so. Matilda turned. 'Escad, don't provoke her. It's the middle of the night. The last thing we need is for one of you to tumble off the cliff.' She drew her feet in under her, shivering slightly in the cool night air. The distant roar of the waterfall echoed in the background.

The smile dropped right off Escad's face. 'Like they'd even notice I was gone,' he grumbled, folding his arms behind his head to look at the stars. 'I could make it to the Ulkan Mines before anyone even started looking.' He glanced at her. 'They'll come looking for _you_ in a minute though. The midnight service at the Temple will be starting soon.'

Matilda sighed and dropped her head down on her knees. 'Stupid,' she muttered into the embroidery of her skirt. 'Stupid, stupid, _stupid_... I _hate_ that service. I wish I was never born a priestess.'

'Yeah well, we all want things we can't have,' Escad said sarcastically, staring broodingly into the firelight of the lamp they had taken with them. 'Look at us. You're trapped in that temple for the rest of your life, Daena's living on naive delusions that will probably get her killed one day, I'm the leftover trash that will never make my knighthood and half the village goes up in arms the minute Irwin walks past them.' He spat on the ground, cursing under his breath. 'Don't we all wish things had gone differently?'

Irwin does. Sometimes. He can't help it really. But he can't imagine life without Daena, Escad and Matilda either.

'Well aren't you optimistic,' Daena replies flatly, rolling her eyes. 'Someone obviously has a chip on their shoulder.'

'At least I'm being realistic!' Escad snapped. Matilda fiddled with the end of her braids.

'It's not so bad,' she told them, talking as much to herself as she was to her friends. 'I mean once I'm the Abbess I'll be able to change things right? It doesn't always have to be like this.'

'Right,' Escad retorted, throwing a pebble over the side of the cliff. 'Like my father would even notice I was alive unless I killed a demon and mounted its head on a wall right in front of him.'

'_Escad_!' Matilda admonished, looking sideways worriedly. Irwin looked back at her. Daena shook her head.

Escad scowled. '_What_?' he demanded. 'Don't give me that look, it's not like I meant anything by it.' He threw another pebble into the air and shrugged. 'Besides, Irwin's _different_.'

'Different?' Irwin repeated, speaking up for the first time that night. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Escad curiously, raising his eyebrows. 'Different how...?'

Daena wrinkled her nose and waved him off. 'Don't listen to that brat Irwin,' she said. 'He doesn't speak sense half the time and he's as tactless as a brick wall.'

Matilda smiled and shook her head. 'I don't think you're different at all,' she said shyly, and Irwin grinned at her boldness. Escad sighed noisily on his right.

'Oh for the love of...' he grumbled, running a hand through his already messy hair. 'Will you people lay off? I'm not going to kill him. I'd have to suffer through the two of you being giggly and doing _girl stuff_ alone if I did that.'

'Am I not worth it?' Irwin wanted to know, taking care to keep his tone light. He wouldn't ever admit it, but he had been jumpy for a minute; memories of a time before Gato Grottoes, when he had been hunted for being a half-demon still recent enough in his mind that they still put him on high alert.

Escad gave him a funny look. 'Of course not you idiot,' he replied, frowning. 'And you _are_ different,' he shot a look at Daena and Matilda, daring them to object him again, and turned his attention to the ground.

'Demon, half-demon or whatever,' he muttered. 'You're still one of _us_.' He scratched senseless patterns into the earth with his fingers as he said this, shooting a dirty look out of the corner of his eye, daring Irwin to call him on saying something so incredibly girly. 'And if you tell anyone I said that I really _will_ kill you.'

It sounded so petulantly _Escad_ that Irwin had to laugh. Matilda smiled, looking relieved that no one's feelings had been hurt. Daena visibly relaxed.

'What about you Irwin?' she asked him. 'What would you change?'

He thought about his life before coming to the Gato Grottoes; always running, always hunted, always scared. Never really belonging anywhere. There was enough resentment there to fill a dark hole in his heart. But this...this was different.

Irwin was not human. To his mind he did not want for things like they did; he couldn't. He wasn't like them. He had learned from a young age that forming attachments, _desires_, were dangerous; they didn't last. They never did.

_You're still one of us._

And yet he had never wanted to hold on to something – the familiarity, the _friendship_ – so dearly in his entire life. Irwin was not a human; Irwin was not a demon. He was _different_. He didn't want love or freedom or recognition. He didn't want to kill or maim or destroy. And he didn't want to face the day when he would have to choose between humanity and demonkind. He just wanted to _belong_.

Right now he _did_ belong. And for as long as it lasted that was more than enough.

'Nothing,' he murmured thoughtfully, earning himself a few incredulous stares. Irwin smiled and shook his head. He would walk this tightrope between sides a little longer.

'I wouldn't want to change this for anything in the world,' he said honestly.

And he meant it.

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End


End file.
